Coffin Drop Ep 2 - "A Close Shave"

Coffin Drop Ep 2 – “A Close Shave”

[The hum and spark of electricity]

T.
Before you all stands the metal Übermensch, the Stahlsoldat. It’s clear this threat will need to be neutralized before you can progress. It is a technological bastard. An abomination of progress. But at its heart, is a heart, pumping blood. So it can bleed. And that blood can be drank.

As it [zooming in sound] fixes its camera-like eyes on all of you, remind the audience who we’re seeing.

Beverlee
Nicole has just come out of this entryway from the Metro. And you see a short, like 5’4”, brown, curly hair – short, like a circle sort of bob around her face. In a black bomber jacket, with a stripe of safety pins up the arm that looks like a silver stripe. And she has a small shrapnel scar on her left temple.

Kim
Slinking up next to Nicole, for indeed this is a vampire who slinks, is Iryna. A very tall, very glamorous, very pale vampire with long blonde (almost white) hair. She’s wearing a clinging evening gown, which now has a slit going up one leg. And six inch stiletto heels. Yes, they’ve inexplicably gotten taller between episodes 1 and 2.

T.
Incredible.

Omar
Chuck is a lumbering hulk of a gentleman, with a patchwork of skin tones and body parts sorted from different origins, as he’s slowly starting to piece that together, if you will. And wearing a cowboy hat.

T.
And then standing atop the weapons platform in the center of this plaza…

Cameron
Flint, the half-man, half-bat, all freak.

Kim
[Laughs]

Cameron
Having just kind of set off this weapons plaza, is standing there. His huge muscular body hunched down, like a deer in the headlights. Grimacing to show my teeth that were just shattered by a Nazi bullet.

T.
The Stahlsoldat turns in its encasement.

Stahlsoldat (T.)
Four targets acquired.

T.
It does a Roman salute, and the tips of its fingers flip up. And out of each one of them [missile sound effect] shoots a rocket. Three of them head directly toward the three most human-like vampires standing at the entrance. And one of them U-turns in the air and heads toward you, Flint.

However, Flint, you just did this Search roll. It did not progress any successes toward the objective. We are going to move down in the order to Iryna.

Kim
Alright. I see these missiles coming. I’m going to get up high. I’m going to jump onto the top of a tank, to try and get a better vantage on these incoming missiles. And try to shoot them away from the three of us.

Omar
Ooh.

Beverlee
Hot.

T.
Roll shoot.

Kim
[Rolls dice] Two successes.

Omar
Yes!

T.
Also two successes.

Kim
[Sighs]

T.
Some objectives and threats in this game have a Challenge stat, which acts as a buffer or shield. You have to apply successes to overcome it before they apply to taking down the number you need to hit.

Kim
I think right now what makes the most sense is I’m going to use my hunting rifle to shoot the missiles out of the air, just to make sure that we don’t take any damage right now.

T.
Absolutely. As they [missile sound effect] arc toward you, you leap up onto the top of this tank, take aim, and [bullets firing] through a straight line they explode against one another.

Nicole.

Beverlee
Nicole sees this thing come out, preps for that explosion to hit them, and then sees Iryna pop pop pop them out of the air. And goes…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Nice shooting.

Beverlee
Winks. And then looks around for a second, sees what she needs, and runs up to a display case. Hits the butt of her rifle into it, and pulls out the body of a panzerfaust. And from her back belt loop, unclicks the carabiner that has…

T.
[Sighs] Weary sigh…

Beverlee
The projectile attached to it… [Laughs] Loads the thing… And would you say that this is an armored target?

T.
A hundred percent, I would.

Beverlee
And launches it at this bad boy.

T.
So for my edification, is a panzerfaust a bazooka?

Beverlee
Yep. It’s like an anti-tank bazooka.

Omar
Buffy Season 2 vibes right now.

Beverlee
Yeah. Buffy Season 2 vibes.

T.
Very much. I was like, we’ve got the Adam of it all.

Beverlee
Okay. So Shoot 4, +3 for this armored target, +1 for the panzerfaust. So I’m gonna go ahead and roll these… eight dice. [Rolls dice]

Kim
Wow.

Beverlee
Yeah, take her out.

Beverlee
That’s gonna be four successes and three crits.

[Everyone is aghast]

T.
Oh my god…

[Everyone laughs]

Kim
Iryna is so wet right now.

T.
I got three successes.

Beverlee
Okay. So I’m gonna defend by using three successes to make yours null, right?

T.
And you still have one success and three crits.

Beverlee
I do have a Special when you use explosives. This is an explosive, right?

T.
This is an explosive.

Beverlee
When you use an explosive, Special: reduce an objective or threat’s Challenge rating by 1.

Kim
[Gasps]

Beverlee
How many times can I use that? [Laughs]

t.
If you wanna sink two crits to destroy its challenge permanently? Absolutely. I will let this giant, impressive, like “the future of German warfare technology” just be blipped by a bazooka.

Beverlee
With a carabiner hanging off of it. [Laughs]

T.
Yeah. By a lesbian.

[Everyone laughs]

Beverlee
As Nicole crouches on one knee, steadies herself for a second, and then cracks a wicked smirk. As she pulls the trigger, and this thing shoots off towards it.

At first, it feels small. And then it just gets bigger, as this fire just rips the armor off of his skin, revealing open, wet body underneath. As tendons are like hanging, and things. And the leftover heat singes his skin for the next two successes, to hurt it.

T.
So you’re able to do three damage in one round to my shiny first miniboss…

Beverlee
Bye! [Laughs]

T.
[Explosion sound] The explosion rockets up. And completely fills the frosted glass of this encasement cylinder shatters over the plaza, and spills like marbles. Flint, it is your turn.

You hear below you…

Stahlsoldat (T.)
What. The. Fuck.

Kim
[Laughs]

Cameron
So now there’s like an exposed hole in its chest?

T.
It’s like a reverse Terminator. Where you got rid of the metal bits, to reveal the human part underneath.

Cameron
Seeing the big hole, I’m gonna go…

Flint (Cameron)
Ah, the buffet is open!

Cameron
And just drop down. Try to land into it, and just start tearing and eating at whatever I can.

T.
Roll Brawl.

Cameron
Ooh! Three sixes.

Omar
[Gasps] Oh!

T.
I got one success. I did more hurt to you with the police patrol than I did with the steel Übermensch.

Omar
Ain’t that commentary?

T.
[Laughs]

Kim
[Laughs] No…

Cameron
I would like to put all of those successes towards damaging him. Just tearing and eating at whatever I can.

T.
I will let you know that after the first two you’ve done did it, if you wanna use that other one to get some blood.

Kim
Oh, shit.

Cameron
Oh, yeah. Slurp him up.

T.
Phenomenal. All of the super soldier program, the torture and pain that this private volunteered to go through in order to be Germany’s hope for the future, is undone in a moment. And exposed, you crack open his ribcage like you’re breaking open the shell of a lobster. And sink your teeth into his still-beating human heart. His blood tastes like bleach and pine tar and petrol. And as it goes into your gullet, you feel yourself growing stronger.

[The hum quiets down]

T.
Everybody can get a hand on this ball! And you are all going to be able to unlock your first Advance.

Omar
[Gasps]

Kim
Incredible.

Kim
You still gotta get to the other side of this pavilion. The threat now doesn’t exist. So you can take your sweet time. But you can tell me what it looks like as you’re going around. And if you want to loot the room.

Kim
I definitely need to take a souvenir.

Omar
Mmhmm, mmhmm.

T.
Yeah. You’re surrounded by all kinds of prototype weapons and experimental fuel sources. And a tank that you jumped on top of. Whatever you want to be here, basically, if you can justify it? Loot the room.

Beverlee
I pick up my carabiner that survived the blast, first.

Kim
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Can I get some frag grenades?

T.
Yeah, dude!

Beverlee
Okay. So there’s like a natural history museum-style display of like…

T.
A diorama!

Beverlee
A diorama of like white, undistinguished figure shielding himself as one by one little grenades are going towards it in like an arc. And it’s like, “Tomorrow’s gonna be a blast!” in German under it, or whatever.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
And I kick that open, and grab those grenades off the display.

T.
Wonderful.

Beverlee
And I pin a little scrap of this guy’s Nazi uniform to the unmarked figure, to make it now a nazi.

T.
Cool. That is three uses, and you get a +die if you do it in an enclosed space.

Anybody else wanna take anything shiny?

Omar
There any flamethrowers in here?

Beverlee
[Shrieks in glee]

T.
Yeah, there’s a flamethrower in here! Of course.

Omar
Yeah, I’ll take a flamethrower.

T.
That’s also three uses, and +flammable.

Kim
The urge is so strong to take this tank.

T.
I’ve got stats for it!

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
If you wanna roll around in a tank…

Kim
Let’s take the tank! Why not?

T.
Great! Go ahead and add Tank to your inventory. +Smash through buildings.

Kim
How many uses?

T.
Three.

Kim
Marvelous.

Omar
You never know when you’re gonna need a tank.

T.
And then anything for you, Flint?

Cameron
I don’t think so. I think I’m good with what I’ve got.

T.
Great.

Kim
A minimalist.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
I’ll take his! As I like clank clank clank…

[Everyone laughs]

T.
[In a German accent] Ah, no. Sorry. We are closed now!

As it all sinks back down into the ground.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Kim
No!

T.
As the metal sub-Übermensch falls to the ground, and you all cross to the far side of the pavilion, the Tesla coils spark with life. [Tesla coil effect] And in their illumination, you see a few landmarks peeping out above the houses and the boulevards.

A mechanic’s garage, for expensive looking cars. A multi story tavern. And an art museum. They are distinguished from the rest of the landscape in that they are on fire. A terrible yowling, like an air raid siren, echoes across the smoke-filled sky. It is clear that the enemy is taking you for moths. But which flame will you allow yourselves to be drawn to?

Omar
My left arm lurches towards the tavern, instinctually. I’m not answering for the group, I’m just saying that’s a thing that happens.

Iryna (Kim)
I wouldn’t be opposed to a drink.

Nicole (Beverlee)
I’m not letting anybody drink alone. [Laughs]

Flint (Cameron)
Shame to let the culture perish, but yes. I suppose I will follow.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
Don’t worry, there might still be some culture in the bar. Hey, fucking the Proletariat, alright?

Cameron
[Laughs]

Kim
[Wheezing] Fucking dying…

[Sounds of the city. A fire blazes]

T.
You come up to a run-down backstreet bar. Smokey, dark, badly ventilated at the best of times – but especially now, seeing as it’s on fire. Rooms that would usually old dozens of hard-bitten Parisians. The interior is strewn with the mangled bodies of Nazi soldiers. They look like they’ve been ripped apart.

There’s a scrape of wood. You turn and see a band of large apes clad in berets and red ascots, pointing rifles at you. A woman (a human woman) strides towards you.

Eponine Colette Fantine (T.)
[Speaks French] Ah! [Takes a drag on her cigarette] Le Vampire. F.A.N.G. told us to expect you. My name is Eponine Fantine Colette. I am ze leader of this resistance force on the ground here in gay Paris.

T.
She uses her cigarette to light another cigarette, and the lights a second one in her other hand from the flames of the bar. Puts them both into her mouth.

Suddenly there is the sound of tires screeching, and men yelling in German.

Eponine Colette Fantine (T.)
Ah! They have found us. We will buy you time to escape, unless you wish to mop ze floor with them right here? The only thing I hate more than Nazis are people who walk into a bar five minutes before it closes.

T.
She takes a stick of dynamite from her bag, lights the fuse off her cigarette, and throws it through the window. [Explosion sounds]

Your objective: lose the Nazis by hiding in the bar. Or, join the guerilla forces and destroy the Nazis assaulting the bar.

Let’s mix up the order a bit. Nicole.

Beverlee
[Chuckling] I didn’t want to interrupt, because you were doing so well. But I think she puts the other cigarette, and I immediately look for a match. But it’s too late. She’s already lit it. And I’m like…

Nicole (Beverlee)
I need to calm down.

Eponine Colette Fantine (T.)
I think you already brought a match, when you walked in.

T.
She winks at you.

Beverlee
I blush. And I start to look towards Iryna, and I stop looking. Uh…

Kim
Iryna is just looking hungrily between the two of you.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Eponine Colette Fantine (T.)
Why choose?

Iryna (Kim)
I have two hands.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Nicole (Beverlee)
Me too.

Beverlee
And with that, I cock this submachine gun and I kick over a table as I lay it on top. And I just start blasting Nazis.

T.
Phenomenal. Go ahead and roll Shoot.

Beverlee
Oh, I did it last turn. Does that matter? Does it reset?

T.
No, it does not reset in this area, here. You can fucking, like, use the bullets to threaten them.

Beverlee
Let’s Terrify them instead!

T.
Hell yeah. [Rolls dice]

Beverlee
Yeah. I just start yelling the names of my many lovers. So I’m gonna scare them with both being gay, and my gun. [Laughs]

T.
And rage.

Beverlee
And rage.

T.
So, being gay.

Beverlee
Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

[Rolls dice] That is one crit.

T.
I got no successes.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

Omar
[Gasps]

T.
Put it wherever you want. Do whatever you want with it.

Beverlee
Okay. So it’s hide in the bar or take them out, are our two objectives?

T.
It’s either the resistance force will give you time to flee, or it’s join up with the Resistance.

Beverlee
Great. I’m gonna use both to fight the Nazis.

T.
Great.

Beverlee
It just rips through the window as I lay fire across, breaking off little pieces more of the glass that she had opened.

T.
Inspired by your fervor, the gorillas also kick over tables and point their assault rifles. [Sounds of gunfire] Firing. Laying on a pepper of fire at the incoming squadron.

That is Chuck.

Omar
Chuck turns to the leader of the guerilla resistance, and goes…

Chuck (Omar)
I’m so sorry. I hate to ask this, but can you say everything you just said again, but in English?

[Everyone laughs for a very long time]

Chuck (Omar)
No parles-vous Francais, so I can’t…

Omar
And as the explosion goes, Chuck goes…

Chuck (Omar)
You know what? We’re gonna go ahead and put that on ice. Don’t worry about that. I will check back in with you, and I’d love to hear what’s going on. But right now, I’m gonna, um, try to kill some Nazis.

Omar
You said this was a multistory tavern, correct?

T.
Yeah.

Omar
Can Chuck go up a floor and aim down?

T.
100%. Yeah. There’s a staircase right by the entrance with a French Budweiser-equivalent neon sign, flashing, pointing upwards.

Omar
[Laughs] Great. So Chuck starts to climb up, and turns at the French Budweiser sign, and goes…

Chuck (Omar)
That’s so… We’ve got one just like that, back home.

T.
[Laughs]

Omar
And Chuck will continue up. And out of a perched window, slide the flamethrower out and just rain fire.

T.
I guess Kronenbourg would be the French Budweiser… But, grand. Go ahead and roll Shoot!

Omar
[Rolls dice] That is two successes, and one 1, which actually gives me a drop of Blood.

Kim
Oh, fuck yeah.

T.
There are mangled Nazi corpses strewn about this tavern there were here when you walked in.

Omar
Mmhmm.

T.
And you can just go ahead and munch on one of those, as you flambe.

Omar
As I’m firing, I see that there’s a slumped over Nazi hanging out the window.

Chuck (Omar)
[Chuckles] When in Rome. When in France, my apologies.

T.
[Laughs] And the flames [flame sound] circle down. I’ve got one success.

Omar
Okay. And I’ll blast out the flamethrower. And I suppose one of the Nazis uses a door or something to block the flame. And I’m like…

Chuck (Omar)
Alright. I’ll get back to you later.

Omar
And I just shift it slightly to his buddy on the side.

T.
He’s like looking over, like…

Nazi (T.)
Ah, good job!

T.
And then [Engulfing flame]

Flint.

Cameron
I would like to use another Improvised Projectile to throw a burning, like, chair or whatever large hulking thing is on fire.

T.
Take your pick. You can grab the whole bar, if you want.

Cameron
I’m doing it. Ripping up the bar, and I’d like to throw it as close to the gas tank of the car that pulled up, as I can.

Omar
Oh!

T.
Absolutely, you can, like, fucking lodge it in there. Go ahead and roll Shoot.

Cameron
That’s one.

T.
Grand. I got none.

Cameron
Chuck it out there, as close as I can land it.

T.
You launch this bar. Just [wooshing, spinning sounds] hammer throwing it through the open window that Nicole shot open. And the flaming wood – ping! – pierces into he gas tank of the car, which explodes. Pushing all of these Nazi police to the ground, knocking one off of their threat.

Iryna.

Iryna (Kim)
Oh my goodness. Do you know what I just realized? How rude of me. I’m double parked.

Kim
And I’m going to go outside and hop into my tank, and…

Omar
Yes!

T.
[Laughs]

Kim
[Laughing] And then smash this tank into the incoming Nazi threat. And if I can just, like, slam into it and then just start driving towards a nearby building and just smash them through the building as well, that would be great.

T.
A billion percent, you can. Go ahead and roll Brawl, actually. Use Brawl, with tank.

Beverlee
It’s like a different kind of joust.

T.
[Rolls dice] One success from me.

Kim
One success, two crits.

T.
Phenomenal.

Kim
I’m gonna use one success to cancel out your attack dice. As I am smashing this Nazi patrol car, I’m going to lean out of the tank, like sort of poke my head up, and grab a Nazi by the head.

Iryna (Kim)
Ah! It’s like a drive-through.

Kim
And I’m just going to sink my teeth into his neck, and take 2 Blood. And I’m going to put my remaining successes onto the objective, of helping the resistance.

T.
Picking up this dude with your tank, your stiletto pressing the gas pedal to the floor. The treads easily [tank noises] crash into a nearby patisserie. And its edifice crumbles to the ground on top of y’all.

Nicole.

Beverlee
I will do what I do best. I’m gonna shoot up in here. Lay some more fire, as I jump out from behind the table and get out that window. Put my back up against this burning building, and start laying fire down.

[Rolls dice] For three successes.

T.
Another squad car follows the sound of violence. Begins pouring out of the doors, guns on the hoods of their cars, shooting at you. I got three successes.

Beverlee
No! I shoot their bullets with my bullets! [Laughs]

Omar
Hell yeah.

Beverlee
Defend myself, and get back in the bar.

T.
Net neutral. Like two saiyans shooting Kamehameha waves at each other.

Beverlee
100%.

T.
Chuck.

Omar
Seeing the other vehicle pull up, I look down at my flamethrower and go…

Chuck (Omar)
Ah, this is a little bit of a lost cause, here.

Omar
And what I’d like to do is fix up a couple Molotov cocktails.

T.
Hell yeah. Tend bar with that left arm.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Emphasis on Fix?

Omar
Yes, that would be great.

[Rolls dice] Okay, I’ve got two successes and two Corpse Eaters! I love this ability!

Kim
Oh my god.

T.
I’ve got 0.

Chuck (Omar)
So, a little for you…

Omar
And I make a Molotov cocktail.

Chuck (Omar)
A little for me.

Omar
And I lean down and drink the blood of a Nazi.

Chuck (Omar)
A little for you.

Omar
I make another Molotov cocktail.

Chuck (Omar)
And don’t mind if I do, a little for me.

[Laughs] You just get a straw, puncture it into his jugular, cover it with the top of your thumb…

Chuck (Omar)
Yeah, that’s alright. There you go, there you go.

Beverlee
Taste as you go!

Chuck (Omar)
I’m gonna cut myself off there, cause it’s a school night.

Omar
And I will go down to distribute the Molotov cocktails to the resistance downstairs.

T.
Yeah you hand a bunch of gorillas these Molotov cocktails. One of them goes to drink it, and the other one goes…

[Indecipherable gorilla noises]

Kim
Yeah, that’s really gonna play in radio.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Yeah, I forgot that part. Old habits die hard.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
One gorilla hands one to another. He makes as if to drink it, but can’t get his face around the flaming rag. Another gorilla indicates to him to throw it, and he nods knowingly.

Kim
Thank you.

Chuck (Omar)
That’s crazy. These gorillas are just like the ones we’ve got back home.

T.
[Laughs]

Beverlee
That can’t be true.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
That’s the first thing Nicole questions!

Nicole (Beverlee)
I just don’t see it.

T.
How many successes are you applying to the objective?

Omar
Two.

T.
Great. Flint?

Cameron
I would like to make a Terrify roll. Running out through the window, towards the new car, wings spread. Screaming…

Flint (Omar)
Your friends have been burned and crushed! Leave, or do the same!

Omar
And then as I’m running, I would like to activate my Ooze form…

T.
What???

Kim
What?!

Cameron
To just splatter myself onto them, as goo.

T.
Come again??

Cameron
This is my advance.

[Everyone laughs incredulously]

T.
That’s unheard of.

Kim
[Still laughing]

T.
Wow. Okay. Ooze Form: spend 1 Blood. Squeeze through gaps, glop around, etc.

Beverlee
Activate ooze!

T.
So you leap out, flying. Which, some of these Nazis? They’re steeled They’re prepared. We’re in Sector 2, now. They are ready for a flying monstrosity at them. They ain’t ready for gack!

Cameron
[Rolls dice] That was one crit.

T.
I got one success. So you can take it, or use both of your successes to block it.

Cameron
Um… It would be bad if I rolled that second injury, so I’m going to use them both to block it.

T.
The bullets pass harmlessly through the ooze, which then coats and blankets these Nazi soldiers, who being pulling you as viscera off of themselves, and it slaps back against their chest. They’re terrified, and several of them turn and run.

Iryna.

Kim
I very daintily get out of the tank. As I’m exiting, I’m like holding out a hand, and…

T.
Eponine Fantine Colette comes and escort you down, off the side of the tank.

Iryna (Kim)
Thank you, darling.

Kim
And I take one of the three cigarettes in her mouth and grab it, and start smoking it out my cigarette holder. But then I am going to look at the Nazis, and I’m going to whip my hair and show quite a bit of leg.

Iryna (Kim)
Gentlemen, such violence in the presence of a lady is most unbecoming.

Kim
And I am going to use my Dark Glamour, spending 1 Blood to try to hypnotize all of these Nazis.

T.
Phenomenal.

Omar
Amazing.

Beverlee
Nicole looks too.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
Eyes on the prize, Nicole.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

T.
Go ahead and roll Con.

Kim
Lovely.

[Rolls dice] Three successes.

T.
No successes.

Kim
[Laughs] Incredible. I just radiate this mesmerizing power, and just start staring down these fascists. And they drop their guns. I’m going to put two successes towards eliminating the threat, and then one success towards the objective.

T.
Several of them drop their guns and their jaws, looking at you. Stunning in the flames and the smoke, like a femme Sephiroth.

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
And as many of them look just gobsmacked by you, they take bullets through the neck as the gorillas take advantage of the drop in their defenses. [Bullets shooting]

However… [Zooming sound] from the rooftops of surrounding buildings [more gunfire] more soldiers appear nearby, which increases their attack.

Kim
Oh, no.

Omar
God damn…

T.
And it is Nicole.

Beverlee
Nicole is outside the building, now. Sees those guys coming in. Goes…

Nicole (Beverlee)
I got my own reinforcements.

Beverlee
And from the sewers of Paris…

Kim
[Excited] Oh my god.

Beverlee
You can’t hear it here, but two blocks away where it’s much calmer, you just hear… [little rodent sounds]

As hundreds of rats scurry through the grosses old timey sludge of the sewers, and pop out of a manhole and start covering Nazis everywhere, to Terrify them.

T.
They pop out of a manhole, to eat a man hole.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
Incredible. Roll Terrify.

Kim
Oh my god. I love this move.

T.
[Rolls dice] Two successes.

Beverlee
One success and a crit.

T.
That crit will block both of those, if you wanna apply the success somewhere.

Beverlee
Yeah. Let’s apply the success to our objective. As all of these villains are covered in rats.

T.
[Singing] Red, the blood of angry rats. Black, the color of the rats…

[Everyone laughs]

T.
Chuck.

Omar
After handing off the Molotov cocktails, I’m gonna get a… [Laughs] I’m gonna get a flash of fire, as I’m looking at the flames outside, I suddenly get a memory. Not a flashback, but a memory. It flashes to a memory, but it’s not a flashback.

T.
[Laughs]

[Flashback harp music]

[A roaring blaze]

Omar
Of flames crawling up a schoolhouse. And someone yelling…

Assistant Teacher (Omar)
I told you! I told you they wouldn’t let us teach! I told you they wouldn’t let us teach!

Omar
And the teacher going…

Teacher (Omar)
Nevermind that, just keep the students safe. I’ll buy you time.

[Flashback harp music]

[The rumble of a fire]

Omar
And I turn back, and I look at the guerillas, and I go…

Chuck (Omar)
Nevermind that. Keep the students safe.

T.
[Laughs]

Omar
And I put one hand on one of the gorilla’s shoulders.

Chuck (Omar)
I’ll buy you some time.

Omar
And I’m gonna spin around and start to fire with my revolvers, out of the window. Encouraging the gorillas to get to safety.

T.
Two of the gorillas look at each other, shrug. Sure that makes sense to somebody! And then the one swings out the window and up onto the roof, and reaches down a hand to help the other one. A tiny little baby gorilla, named Gorilla-vroche, gives you a salute and then gets [zooming sound] whizzed out onto the rooftop.

Chuck (Omar)
That’s a polite gorilla baby, let me tell you that. They’re raising that gorilla correct.

T.
What are we calling this roll?

Omar
I’m just going for Shoot.

T.
Great.

Omar
[Rolls dice] Okay. That’s gonna be three successes.

T.
That’s gonna be two successes for me.

Omar
Okay, great. So I’ll throw that towards the objective.

T.
All three? Or the one remaining.

Omar
The one remaining, please.

T.
Yep. Helping those gorillas out of the bar. Eponine Colette Fantine is still out there on the front with you, watching to make sure that her men are making their way safely out the back.

Omar
Mmhmm.

T.
It is Flint.

Cameron
I would first like to leave my ooze form. Like, on a guy. Just reconstitute in order to squeeze him to pieces.

T.
Like absorbing him?

Cameron
Yes. And then I wanna use my grappling hook.

Omar
[Laughs]

Cameron
I do have a grappling hook.

T.
Of course you do. You’re a Batman.

Cameron
To shoot up onto the roof of this building. Seeing all these rats running around, going…

Flint (Cameron)
Alright. I’m going to go where there’s less crowd at the restaurant.

Cameron
And then shoot myself up there.

T.
Cool. I’ll call that Sneak, I think, because you’re trying to get away from the action.

Cameron
[Rolls dice] Two successes.

T.
Three successes.

Cameron
Alright. Damage roll, then?

T.
You gonna take the one? Yeah. Roll damage.

Cameron
Oh, bad… My jaw is gone.

Kim
[Gasps]

Omar
[Gasps]

Cameron
First my teeth were shattered, and now my jaw is just completely off.

Omar
No!

Kim
Oh my gosh!

T.
As you reconstitute around this Nazi, his helmet with the spike still on it, your mouth catches on it. And you go to wrench, and snapping his neck, you tear your mandible. [broken bone sound] Leaving it behind, so just the broken stalactite remains of your maxillary teeth are left. And with that, you [zipline sound] zip with this grappling hook, onto the roof of this building.

Oof. You hate to see it happen to a good girl.

Iryna.

Kim
Iryna is delighted by the presence of these rats. As is Kim, the player who’s playing Iryna.

T.
[Laughs]

Kim
I love rats.

Iryna (Kim)
Oh! What charming babies. I myself am a single mother.

Kim
And I’m going to scrape my signet ring across my tank.

[A tuning fork-like ringing, followed by the screeching and flapping of bats]

Kim
And summon my swarm of bats, that are going to lift the rats and carry them up to the rooftops, and start dropping them upon the Nazis on the roof.

T.
I love every part of this! Are you trying to Terrify them, or is this…

Kim
Well, I wouldn’t find that terrifying. I would find that delightful. But they would probably find them terrifying, yes.

T.
A well-adjusted person would be terrified.

[Rolls dice] Two successes.

Kim
One success, one crit.

T.
Dope.

Kim
Crit, taking away your successes.

T.
Grand. And then where are you putting your remaining?

Kim
Objective, please.

T.
Got it. The rats are now part of the guerilla’s resistance.

Kim
They all have little berets.

T.
All of the bats are wearing little scarves and little goggles.

Beverlee
And smoking cigarettes.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
That is Nicole.

Beverlee
I know there’s a lot of fire already. Can I set this door with a fire bomb, so that when a Nazi tries to get into this place, it will go off and hurt them?

T.
Rig a little Home Alone.

Beverlee
Yeah. Rig a little Home Alone, but more military. [Laughs]

T.
I would call that Fix. You’re trying to jury-rig a trap.

Beverlee
And this is a fire trap, so I’m gonna get a little bonus.

[Rolls dice] Okay. That’s one success and one crit. And whoever uses Fix next is gonna get a +2.

Omar
Great.

T.
Three successes.

Beverlee
So I can just defend?

Omar
You can just defend. Unless you want to take a damage to accomplish something towards the objective. Don’t forget you can heal.

Beverlee
Ah! You got me! [Laughs]

I do. I do want to take a damage. I just have no Blood. I keep not getting enough successes to drink.

Iryna (Kim)
Darling, you need to hydrate.

Beverlee
I can’t! I’m busy!

T.
Eponine Fantine Colette goes…

Eponine (T.)
Drink with me.

Beverlee
[Laughs] Okay. I have got to save you.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Oh! As I’m setting it, it starts to heat up. And my hand, I’ve really got it get it in the right spot. I just hold my hand on it. And then [sharp inhale] I look down, and there’s like the shape of it with the serial number burned into my hand.

T.
Ooh! But with that remaining success, you rig a fire trap. Covering your exit as the remainders of the guerillas make their way out. And you all leave the bar behind.

One of the remaining Nazis comes behind you. Throws open the door, throwing caution to the wind, and is blown to smithereens.

Beverlee
I grab Eponine Fantine Colette’s hand and Iryna’s hand, as we bolt through the back of this place.

Kim
Ugh. Incredible.

T.
The three of you leave the back door.

[Snorts]

[The flames die down]

T.
During your mission briefing, you all were made aware of three potential breach points that would lead to Sector 1. Cultural landmarks that were likely to be poorly guarded, and which abut the grounds surrounding the Eiffel Tower. They are the Museum of European Warfare. Jardin de Feé, amusement park. And a little concert hall, Le Theatre de Champs-Élysées.

All you need to do is pick one, and waltz right through. Easy as lying.

Chuck (Omar)
Well first of all, Flint. Are you doing alright?

Flint (Cameron)
[Speaking with no jaw] Yeah, I’m alright. What do you mean?

Beverlee
Oh no!

Cameron
And I can spend Blood to heal, correct?

T.
Uh-huh.

Cameron
Great. Yeah. I’m like…

Flint (Cameron)
[Speaking with no jaw] Yeah, what do you… Oh! Oh. [Jaw regrowing sounds]

Cameron
And then a new jaw, like… [Bone growing sounds]

[Everyone shudders and groans]

Cameron
Grows out of me.

T.
Just bone… [Gross bone sounds]

Chuck (Omar)
Oh, okay.

Flint (Cameron)
[Vocalizing, exercising jaw] Ah, sorry about that.

T.
It is hairless. Just fresh osteoclast, cemented into bone.

Chuck (Omar)
Bit of a close shave there, friend. [Chuckles]

Flint (Cameron)
Yes. Quite a bit, yes. Perhaps something that a day at the amusement park could remedy?

Chuck (Omar)
Alright. Alright… So we’re gonna go to the concert hall?

Kim
[Laughs]

Chuck (Omar)
No? Okay. I’m sorry, I did not…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Heard about the public schools in America, but this is a little…

Omar
And as you say that, flash into my eye…

[Flashback harp music]

[A blazing fire]

Teacher (Omar)
Just get the children out.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Teacher (Omar)
Let the story of American education echo through the world.

Kim
[Laughs]

[Flashback harp music]

Chuck (Omar)
God damn it. Everyone… I’m… I’m not having a good time.

Iryna (Kim)
You look very distracted.

Chuck (Omar)
I am! You know what? Maybe it’s something a day at the amusement park would solve.

[Everyone laughs]

Chuck (Omar)
Which is not…

Omar
I wink at Nicole.

Chuck (Omar)
The concert hall.

Beverlee
She looks puzzled for a second, and just decides to wink back.

Iryna (Kim)
Come, Nicole, I will win you a prize.

Nicole (Beverlee)
[Gasps] I’ve never had someone else win me a prize.

Kim
[Laughs]

Eponine (T.)
You don’t need to. You are already a prize yourself.

T.
You now have the guerilla resistance as a piece of equipment.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Chuck (Omar)
Oh! They’re coming with us?

Kim
Yes, Eponine.

T.
Flint, you said you were good on loot? You’re the only one with an empty loot slot. You now have the Resistance – sorry, le Resistance. And Le Resistance has three uses, +flanking maneuver.

Cameron
And when we say guerillas, is that a “ue”, or are these?

T.
Mmhmm. Yes.

Cameron
These are like, gorilla people?

T.
They are gorilla guerillas.

Cameron
Fantastic.

Chuck (Omar)
So where did you all meet?

Eponine (T.)
So we were all doing a…

A Guerilla Gorilla (T.)
[Makes gorilla noises]

T.
Hits his chest, and then indicates pretending to be Hamlet, holding up a skull.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

T.
And then shrinks his finger down, to indicate it was just a community theatre production. But they all really bonded afterwards. And then when the city was occupied, they decided to band together and stick around.

Chuck (Omar)
Okay, yeah. That makes sense. Flint, they met in community theatre. That’s how the gorillas met.

Kim
[Laughs]

Nicole (Beverlee)
You got all that?

Chuck (Omar)
Mmhmm.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Alright! Good job, Yankee.

[Dark bell music. The sound of wind through abandoned metal structures]

T.
Nazi-built amusements, arcade, and illuminations. Popular with young soldiers, looking to take girls on a cheap date. The crowning glory of the park is Europe’s third largest Ferris wheel. But a wide variety of carousels, carnival games, and lit up displays provide plenty to do otherwise.

In their rush to flee your assault, the civilians staffing this park fled without shutting down the machinery. So many of the lights and attractions have been left running. You see a murder of crows picking up popcorn and barbe à papa – which is French cotton candy…

Omar
Mmm.

T.
…In the entrance promenade. As you creep under a yawning ceramic clown’s mouth [a vehicle zooms and crashes] a tank careens into the ticket sellers kiosk. The top pops out, an da terrified crew climbs out.

Nazi (T.)
Lauf! Lauf!

T.
One shouts, as he runs down the barrel of the tank’s cannon, slips, and hits his crotch hard. Then falls to the ground. On his back, he points…

Nazi (T.)
Das Rust Witch!

T.
A loud [something careens and falls] echoes through the abandoned park, and you turn and see the supports of the third largest Ferris wheel in all of Europe disintegrate, as it begins to roll toward you.

Floating atop it: a woman.

[Ominous droning tones]

T.
She cackles as an airplane passes by. She points to it, and its wings begin to oxidize mid-flight, its engines falter, and its propellers fall off as it careens to the ground in the distance.

Your objective: navigate a collapsing fairground whilst hunted by an entropy witch.

Kim
[Gasps]

T.
Let’s start this time with Chuck.

Omar
As I look… [Laughs] As I look up at the entropy witch floating above Europe’s third greatest Ferris Wheel. [Laughs] Amazing.

Which, as an American, where we only experience #1s, this is very hard for me.

[Everyone laughs]

Omar
I suddenly recall…

[Flashback harp music]

[Organ music. A choir singing]

Omar
…Being a young pastor of color, in the South. Watching someone standing at the pulpit, high above everybody else. Standing closer to God than everybody else. And talking about the ways that things should be. And this young pastor turns to their friend and goes…

Young Pastor (Omar)
The love of God is supposed to bring us humility, not bring us power over the rest of us. We are the sheep, not the shepherd. No, I don’t like this at all.

Omar
And then goes back.

[Flashback harp music]

Omar
And Chuck’s like…

Chuck (Omar)
What the goddamn hell is going on with me?! I’m falling apart! Flint, I’m falling apart!

T.
[Laughs]

Omar
And I look up at the e-witch, and point. And go…

Chuck (Omar)
Listen, ma’am. I don’t mean to intrude on what you’re doing, but I do not like a Nazi floating above everybody else!

The Rust Witch (T.)
[Cackles]

Chuck (Omar)
The power of love compels you!

Omar
And I’m gonna burn a Blood to use Lashing Tongue. Instead of it being my physical tongue, it is the words of the young preacher from the South, to restrain.

Chuck (Omar)
Now you’re gonna float up there, and you’re gonna hear this brief and quite religiously untethered lecture I have. About peacefulness. About turning the other cheek, ma’am. About helping the poor. About washing the feet.

Omar
As I start to go on, and occupy her attention.

T.
Fantastic. Go ahead and roll Con.

Omar
Okay… [Laughs] Here we go. I believe in all of us.

T.
Heads up. As she [fluttering sound] careens towards you, you feel this aura emanating from her, in counter-harmony to her words of hope. She has an Aura of Misfortune about her. Only 5s and 6s count as successes.

Kim
[Gasps]

Omar
Wow. Well, I did get one failure. But fortunately, I got one crit.

T.
Incredible.

Omar
I wanna keep her attention, and just kind of keep her in spot.

The Rust Witch (T.)
There is no God but me! [crashing sounds] Behold!

T.
And the midway begins to careen toward her, and all of these stuffed animals, you see their eyes pop out and their foam begin to tear at the scenes.

Let’s go Iryna.

Kim
I can’t have these carnival prizes be destroyed, cause I need to get one for Nicole.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
My treats!

Kim
I’m gonna hop in my tank and it also starts careening through some of these buildings, as I try to shoot this cannon at the Rust Witch.

T.
Fuck yeah. Go ahead and roll Shoot.

Kim
[Rolls dice] Ah, man. Two of my dice were fours, so I gotta discard those. But, I got a 5 and a crit.

Omar
Nice.

T.
She has three successes.

Kim
I’m gonna put the crit on reducing your attack die, and then my success on reducing the Threat.

T.
Okay. So you’re still gonna take one?

Kim
Yeah.

T.
As you shoot [shooting sound] into this Ferris Wheel, one of the carriages goes flying backwards through another one. And it wobbles unsteadily. As it does, it falls to the side. And you see her reorient herself, so that she’s still above the center of it. And it begins to turn. [spinning sounds] Almost buzz-sawing, as it is now a horizonal Ferris wheel, and she rides it like a saucer.

As she does, she goes…

The Rust Witch (T.)
Oh! Another magic user! Give it to me!

T.
And holds out her clawed fingers at you, and drains some of your life force. Roll on the injury table.

Kim
My outfit, it is torn.

Omar
[Gasps]

T.
[Gasps]

Beverlee
That’s so much worse!

Kim
And not in a really chic way, either.

T.
Much in the same way that the stuffed animals, their threads began to pop, the stitching on your garments [fraying sounds] just gaudy and frayed.

Omar
Oh…

T.
It looks cheap.

Iryna (Kim)
Oh… I think I need to lie down.

T.
Flint.

Cameron
I would like to use a Blood to use my wings to fly straight at her, and try to get in eating range.

T.
Brawl it out.

Cameron
[Rolls dice] Two successes.

T.
I also got two successes.

Cameron
Flying at her, going…

Flint (Cameron)
Time to test out the new jaw!

Cameron
And then getting to her, seeing all of the things swirling around, and kind of like…

Flint (Cameron)
Ope! Oh, okay. Alright. Let’s, uh, find a better spot to get in, here…

T.
Even as you approach her, the vigor in your veins drains, and the momentum of this whirling dervish is much more difficult than it appears, at first glance. But you soak the damage?

Cameron
Yeah.

T.
Okay.

The momentum [wooshing effect] buffets you back.

Flint (Cameron)
[Being blown back] Oh!

T.
Nicole.

Beverlee
Nicole sees all this happening, and goes…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Gotta think big.

Beverlee
And I would like to sneak without being noticed towards one of those carnival rides that’s like a big pendulum, hammer thing, where there’s people on both sides?

Omar
Yes.

T.
Yeah.

Beverlee
And this one is shaped like… [Hesitantly] Hitler, with his hands. [Chuckles] Um…

T.
Like, cradling?

Beverlee
Yeah.

T.
It’s like a really skinny Hitler with his hands cradling the Nazis that ride in it.

Beverlee
And I’m gonna plant some dynamite right in his crotch to explode and knock the whole thing towards the Ferris wheel.

T.
So you’re gonna use the explosion to create the momentum, so that the hammer falls onto the Rust Witch?

Would you call this… Sneak! You said sneak. You said the word “sneak”.

Beverlee
If that’s okay! [Laughs]

T.
Yeah.

Beverlee
If that works!

T.
It works for me, just fine.

Beverlee
Plus my dynamite, plus my demolitions of the dynamite, plus Sneak…

[Rolls dice] I rolled eight dice and got one success that counts, and two crits.

Omar
Oh!

T.
I got two successes.

Beverlee
Okay! I’m gonna use one of those crits to sap again, and reduce your objective or threat’s Challenge by 1. I’m gonna use one of those crits to absorb the damage I would have taken, and I’m gonna do one damage.

T.
Grand.

Beverlee
So she’s got Flint the batman in front of her. I see Iryna’s dress get torn, and I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Not on my watch.

Beverlee
And I run towards this thing…

Kim
[Laughs]

Beverlee
I plant the dynamite right on the crotch, and it explodes.

T.
[Explosion sounds]

Beverlee
As the whole thing [careening sounds] leans over, and sort of skewers in the middle of this thing spinning, and starts it going off kilter.

T.
Eponine Colette Fantine is leaning against one of those Test Your Strength things, with a giant mallet and the little bell at the top. And watches as your dynamite – boom! – brings this huge hammer down on this circular target, and collides into her.

The Ferris Wheel struts shatter and break around. As the dust clear, you see her stand. She reaches out with one of her hands, and a cage, connected still to one of the remaining struts, loose from the hub, lifts up like a giant Morningstar and she [spinning sound] begins wielding it around.

T.
That is the end of the round. I’m gonna roll a d4… [Rolls dice] for randomness.

Chuck?

Omar
Mmhmm?

T.
You have three pieces of equipment?

Omar
That’s right.

T.
You feel the tools on your blet rust and pulverize as they disintegrate, turn into dust, blown away in the wind. Your toolbelt is eliminated. You no longer have access to it.

Chuck (Omar)
Those were American-made tools that you just… Europe ruins everything. Can I just tell you? Wine, cheese, English, all better in America. I can’t believe this. You know what?

Omar
And Chuck… is it my turn?

T.
It is.

Omar
Chuck storms over.

Chuck (Omar)
You think I… You know what? You think I need that? I got my tools right here, two hands, okay? I know it’s an audio podcast, so I’m holding up two hands, you entropy witch.

T.
[Laughs]

Chuck
And I’m gonna grab a… what I imagine would be Whack-a-Mole, but because it’s Nazi Germany, a Whack-a-Communist.

T.
[Laughs]

Omar
And I rip open the back panel of it, and I’m just like…

Chuck (Omar)
You think you’re so smart? Rusting all my tools like that? You think I didn’t know they were gonna rust anyway – I’ll just forge new goddamn tools.

Omar
And I cut the wires that start to spark, and I would like to use Fix along with the blessings of Nicole, if that’s still up for grabs… How many additional d6 was that?

T.
Two.

Omar
Okay, great. Two successes.

T.
I got three.

Omar
Okay, great. I’m actually… You know what? I’m not opposed to this. I stand firmly as I shoot the communists at the entropy witch, standing bravely like a Michael Bay character. But it’s not enough. Do I take damage from this?

T.
If you’re using two to block, you still get one.

Omar
M’kay.

T.
Roll once on the injury table.

Omar
One. I get a flesh wound.

T.
She – boom! – deflects one of these communists back at you, and it hits into your arm, knocking it off. But it’s just a flesh wound.

Omar
My lesbian arm, you witch!

Kim
No!

Beverlee
Not the arm of Lesbos!

The Rust Witch (T.)
I did not have my name surgically removed by occult surgeons so that I could be attacked with this Communism! All systems are doomed to decay.

T.
It is Iryna.

Kim
My dress may look cheap, but the lingerie underneath it is fabulous.

T.
Phenomenal. [Laughs]

Kim
I spend one Blood and hop up onto the top of this prize tent, and once again whip my hair and look at the Rust Witch.

Iryna (Kim)
It is true. I do have magic. But I have something else: a fantastic pair of legs.

Kim
And I’m gonna try to mesmerize her.

T.
Roll Con.

Kim
And I get a bonus to this, because Chuck did a Con roll, right?

T.
Yeah.

Kim
Fantastic.

[Rolls dice] One success and two crits.

T.
Two successes.

Kim
I’m gonna spend one crit to eliminate those two successes. I’m going to spend one of my successes to… There’s a Nazi fleeing this carnival, and I’m gonna go…

Iryna (Kim)
Ah, ah, ah… You’re mine.

Kim
And I’m going to grab him, drink his blood. And I’m going to use the last crit to activate my special, Enervation of the Soul: Spend 1 Blood. On my next roll, I automatically inflict 4 damage to an Übermensch.

Omar
Oh!

T.
Wow! Phenomenal. Also, fighting an entropy witch with enervation… The physics of it all. I’m in glee. Describe what it looks like as you’re powering up this spell. Witch fight! Witch fight!

Kim
Witch fight! I too start levitating in the middle of this carnival. And the moon is shining off of my pale hair and skin. And I’m just charging this beam of pure, just, sexy energy at this rust witch.

Cameron
[Laughs]

Beverle
Nicole’s job drops as she just…

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Eyes glaze over, and she starts smiling. And there’s like a little tear int eh corner of her eye.

T.
The Rust Witch reaches above her head and disintegrates the wheels on the track of a roller coaster, and then [woom] flings the whole train down at you, Nicole.

Flint, it is your turn.

Cameron
Seeing Iryna charging up, I’m going to, through body language and facial cues, communicate to the gorillas to surround the Ferris wheel, so that we can get flanking on whatever it is that’s coming. And I guess I’ll have them fire.

T.
Grand. I’ll call that Shoot.

Cameron
Great.

[Rolls dice] I got one crit.

T.
Two successes.

Cameron
I’ll soak them both.

T.
You just full on take this roller coaster as it’s coming toward Nicole and Iryna. You grab it by its caboose and whip it away out of the Jardin de Fee.

Now it is Nicole.

Beverlee
Nicole, in awe, starts automatically walking towards Iryna. Shakes it off, and pulls her submachine gun to the front of her, aims it at this witch. And using the flanking of these apes, is gonna shoot at them. At the witch. Not the apes.

T.
Roll shoot.

[Rolls dice] I got four successes.

Beverlee
Watch this.

[Rolls dice] One success and two crits.

Omar
[Gasps]

Beverlee
Do we think it’s going through whatever their Challenge rating is, or should I just take some damage?

T.
I’m not playing those cards.

Beverlee
You can’t. you couldn’t possibly. Um… You got four successes?

T.
Mmhmm.

Beverle
I wanna do damage so bad, you guys! Can I soak three, and then take damage, and then use two against?

T.
Yes, you can.

Beverlee
That’s what I do.

T.
Roll once on the injury table.

Beverlee
As I’m shooting this gun, I don’t let go as it [boom!] blows one of my arms off.

Kim
[Gasps]

T.
Oh, shit!

Beverlee
Oh, I should have been using multiple items this whole time. But now I can only use one item per turn.

[Everyone laughs]

Kim
Let that be a lesson to the rest of us.

Omar
It’s better to have loved and lost.

T.
As you’re opening fire on her, just [submachine gun sounds] letting loose with this barrage, she throws a hand out to the side. And from a funhouse mirror with a giant, open clown’s mouth, she starts spewing all of the mirrors from this hall of mirrors. And they begin reflecting around her, creating shields that [glass shattering] break under your bullets. And even before the glass hits the ground, it hovers and then [woom!] lashes out, severing your arms.

The arterial blood [blood spewing] fountains off from your arm, completely coating the attractions nearby you.

It is the top of the round.

Kim
Oh, no…

T.
Nicole?

Beverlee
What about it?

T.
As the glass cuts off your arm, the blood completely soaks the fuses of your firebombs. There’s gonna be no way to ignite them.

Chuck.

Omar
As I’m watching all this violence occur with this cackling witch, I feel pulled by the eyes of the schoolteacher. As that part of my essence sort of takes over, and speaks through my mouth. And says…

Chuck (Omar)
You talk so smugly about entropy and how all things decay. You seem to forget that entropy requires Boltzmann’s constant! So I’m starting to think you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

Omar
And I pull out the flamethrower and light it up, and blast it at the witch.

T.
[Laughs] Roll Shoot.

Omar
Okay. Here we go, here we go.

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! That’s three crits.

Kim
Let’s go!

Omar
[Snaps]

T.
One success.

Beverlee
Yes!

Omar
Okay! [Laughs] I will absolutely apply those two crits at taking down the witch.

T.
Okay. And use the other one to block the damage?

Omar
Yeah.

T.
Gotcha. You completely torch her. Flames igniting. She is on fire, waving her arms back and forth, cackling with laughter.

The Rust Witch (T.)
[Cackling] All things, this fire shall extinguish! All things in the end turn toward entropy!

T.
Iryna, it is you. I think it just pops.

Kim
Yeah. I think just, my hyperbeam goes off.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
The sexy energy reaches its zenith.

Kim
It does! And I’m gonna use telekinesis to…

Beverlee
Yes.

Kim
To grab some of these shattered mirrors from the hall of mirrors, and now all of them are reflecting my unearthly beauty. And then they just sail towards the Rust Witch, and just rip her to ribbons.

T.
A blizzard of diamond dust cuts her still burning flesh, removing every piece of it. The flames and the glass melding and glittering together. You all turn your eyes away, it’s too much to bear. And when you look back, you see the smoldering, charged corpse of a woman whose name was surgically removed by occult surgeons, known only as the Rust Witch, lying dead on the floor.

Iryna, you sink your teeth into her and taste stinging nettles, pop rocks, and tonic water.

There’s nothing standing between you all now and Sector One. The home of the Eiffel Tower, and Hitler’s broadcast zeppelin.

[Coffin Drop theme]

Kim
Coffin Drop is a Kitten Marlowe production, edited and produced by Kim Dalton. This episode featured a theme song by Jason Myers, with additional vocals by Amelia Myers. You can find out more about us by visiting KittenMarlowe.com, signing up for our newsletter, or following us on socials. For Discord access, exclusive cast talkbacks, ttrpg materials, and more visit Patreon.com/KittenMarlowe and join mrtnj and, all of our incredible Kitten Marlowe patrons, in supporting artist-driven storytelling. Thanks for listening.