Coffin Drop Ep 3 - "I Really Needed That"

Coffin Drop Ep 3 – “I Really Needed That”

[Wind rushing through rusting metal]

T.
Night continues to darken and deepen, heading towards its darkest as the four of you stand over the remains of the Rust Witch. Her blood still coursing through your veins, heightening your innate abilities, you gaze out over Sector 1: the epicenter of the Nazi operation in Gay Paree.

There are two routes to get to the tower. Through the pleasure gardens surrounding it, or via an ammunition and vehicle depot. The latter will be under heavier guard, but likely secure you the firepower you need to take out the threats aboard Hitler’s zeppelin. The former will be a more straightforward path, but it much less likely you’ll be able to salvage anything of use between here and the Fuhrer. Which way would you like to go?

Cameron
I wanna say the park, but also I thought the theme park would be nice, and I should have known it would be a bad Nazi theme park…

[Everyone laughs]

Kim
Like a nice beer garden situation…

Cameron
Yeah. Maybe the depot, we know what we’re getting…

Omar
We could stand for a little predictability, as a break.

Beverlee
[Laughs] You wanna go to the army depot, as a treat?

T.
[Laughs] For a change of pace.

Kim
I do! Because I didn’t… I unfortunately was not able to secure Nicole a prize at the carnival, so we gotta go get her a gift at the ammunition depot.

Omar
Let’s go shopping!

T.
And what do you get for the girl who has everything?

Kim
More guns.

[Everyone laughs]

Nicole (Beverlee)
More guns? I can have more?

Nicole
She says, holding up her one, with her one remaining arm.

[A warehouse depot]

T.
You gaze upon a massive storage yard with a collection of cars, some armored, some not, for use by Nazi officers. There’s armories and warehouses under heavy guard, and the entire perimeter is cordoned off with barbed wire. Searchlights roam the grounds.

Your objective: scramble across the motor pool, and possibly raid the ammunition dump. We will start with Iryna.

Kim
The most sensible thing to do here, I think, is to hop back into my tank and literally just clear a path across the motor pool.

T.
Absolutely.

Beverlee
I jump on the back, hanging off it.

Kim
Oh yes…

[Beverlee and Kim laugh]

Kim
It’s a tight squeeze in here, Nicole, but I pat my lap.

Iryna (Kim)
There is room for one more.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Mmm…

Beverlee
I look at my one arm holding this tank, and I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Mmm… Maybe.

Kim
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Go inside. And I sit daintily on your lap.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Can you see still?

Nicole
And I smile at you mischeviously.

Kim
[Laughs]

Flint (Cameron)
Is there room for perhaps a couple more?

Cameron
And I have all of my gorillas.

Kim
I hit the gas.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
[Car sound]

Cameron
Must not have heard me.

T.
The treads tear the gravel of the cobbles of Gay Paree as you head toward the depot. The infantry squad on high alert turns toward the sound, and sees you barreling down the slope toward them. Flint and Chuck… [Laughs] I’m guessing just hanging off onto the side, like a parade float?

Omar
We’re flanking.

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
Hell yeah.

And immediately open fire. You trying to bust through the gate? You shooting your cannon? How are you using… Are you sneaking?

Kim
Not at all sneaking. I don’t think tanks are really a stealth vehicle. I imagine I’m like smashing through the gate.

T.
Hell yeah. Go ahead and roll Brawl. And what’s the tank’s Special?

Kim
If I’m smashing through the building. And what is a fence, I ask? I think it counts.

T.
Uh… I’ll give you a guardhouse, right here on this barbed wire fence that, yeah, you can clip that.

Kim
I go out of my way to hit the guardhouse.

[Rolls dice] All of mine were successes.

T.
Holy shit!

Kim
Three successes and one crit.

Beverele
[Gasps]

T.
Phenomenal. I’ve got two successes.

Kim
I’m gonna use my crit to get rid of your attack dice. And then I’m going to put three successes on the objective to scramble across the motor pool.

T.
Clearing ground. Like, the biggest challenge to this objective was gonna be overcoming the barbed wire fence. And you tear through it like it’s tinfoil. Just [tank smashing noises] making headway across the motor pool, toward the Eiffel Tower looming, phallic-like, on the horizon.

Flint.

Cameron
I would like to jump off the front of the tank and crowd dive, and start brawling.

T.
Tear them apart!

Cameron
[Rolls dice] that is one crit.

T.
I got two successes.

Cameron
So would that be one injury if I take it, or would that be both?

T.
You can block them both with that one crit, or take two.

Cameron
I’m gonna get dramatic, and I’m gonna take two.

Kim
Heck yeah.

[Everyone ooohs]

Kim
There we go.

Cameron
Yeah.

T.
Okay. Roll on the injury table twice, please. You’re already missing your jaw.

Cameron
The jaw I have back. My teeth, I do not.

T.
Ah, my mistake.

Cameron
So I’ve got like a row of baby gums.

Beverlee
Oh…

Omar
And that dashing beard is gone.

Kim
[Laughs]

Cameron
Oh yeah.

Omar
It is a fresh chin.

T.
It’s a new chin.

Beverlee
The hair takes longer.

Cameron
Wow. Merciful. I jump in there, and like a frightened cat propelling off of furniture, I’m just jumping onto a soldier and propelling to the next. Not necessarily attacking, but just the force of the hook in and push off tears huge chunks of them. But also like a frightened cat, some explosion, some sound goes off. I scream, and I am now Spooked. I bolt in a random direction and get not crushed, but a little chewed up by the treads of the tank.

Kim
[Gasps]

Cameron
So I am also mauled. And just kind of spat out on the other side, cartoon birds around my head.

Flint (Cameron)
[Dizzy, dazed noises]

Kim
I feel like a bump underneath me, and I look at Nicole.

Iryna (Kim)
That was probably nothing.

T.
[Chuckles] These lilypads of Nazi soldiers, as your claws sink into them and their entire ribcages are rent asunder. An explosion happens somewhere in the distance and there’s the sound of something gearing up. As you get a little bit wary, that new momentary distraction [tank sounds] sending you under the tank, and you pick yourself up from the dust. Strangely, not as worse for wear as you could be.

Nicole.

Nicole
I pop my head out of this tank. I sort of straddle one leg on either side of Iryna. Pop out, laying my submachine gun on top of the porthole. And I’m gonna just lay some fire and mow down these guys that are in front of us, trying to take this tank out.

T.
Go ahead and roll Shoot.

Beverlee
And this is the last use of my machine gun…

T.
[Rolls dice] Two successes again.

Beverlee
A crit and a success.

Omar
Ooh!

Beverlee
So I’m gonna use a crit to defend.

T.
Okay. That neutralizes me.

Beverlee
Can I drink blood with that other one?

T.
Yeah.

Beverlee
So as I shoot all these guys, the tower that Iryna hit starts to crumble. And this guy goes…

Nazi (Beverlee)
Ooh!

Beverlee
And he falls in front of me. And I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Ah! Delivery. [Chews]

Beverlee
And I suck the blood. I rip the throat out of this Nazi, and I start drinking.

T.
Hell yeah. His head pops off like a squeezy top, and just gush into your mouth. As bullets [gunfire] riddle you, but you completely soak them.

Chuck.

Omar
As Flint kind of falls under the tank, my right arm tenses, as that belonged to someone who was building the rail tracks out into the West. And my arm recalls a moment similar to that, as we were just disposable workers. And Chuck goes…

Chuck (Omar)
No! Not again!

Omar
And what I would like to do: I’m going to jump to Flint’s safety. But before that, if you’ll allow me, I look down. My lesbian arm is gone. It is left behind. So I have the flamethrower in my right hand. It has got one use left. Can I chuck it against the tank, so it breaks, and throw it to essentially turn the flamethrower into a massive grenade?

T.
Hell yeah, dude. Absolutely, you can.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
I mean, it’s in your name. You can chuck anything you want to.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Hate it. Boo.

T.
Just running the barrel along the tank, sparking up. [Igniting sound]

Omar
Yes. Can that be a Fix, is that alright?

T.
Hell yeah.

Omar
Alright.

T.
Why not?

Omar
[Chuckles] Here we go…

T.
[Rolls dice] No successes.

Omar
I’ve got a crit!

T.
Oh, hooray!

Kim
Woo!

T.
Put it wherever you want.

Omar
Beautiful. I’ll put that towards taking out the folks in front of us, as I then hop over to Flint.

T.
Fantastic. In a huge mushroom cloud of fire [explosion sounds] you incinerate a bunch of Nazis. One of them staggers forward, on fire, and crumples to the ground, illuminating the various buildings and warehouses around you as you continue to pile along on your tank.

That is the top of the next round. Iryna.

Kim
As this explosion goes off, I wanna slip out of the tank. Just like, slowly pressing my body against Nicole as I’m moving past her and out of the porthole. Just letting her feel every curve of this absolutely epic body that Iryna has. And then I’m going to use the distraction of the explosion to sneak into one of these armories. I wanna go look for something good.

T.
Phenomenal. Ghost ride that whip.

Kim
Yeah.

[Everyone laughs]

T.
Roll Sneak.

Beverlee
If Nicole had a heart, it would be beating really fast.

T.
[Rolls dice] I got one success.

Kim
Ooh. I only roll one die, but it was a crit.

T.
Nice. And that will apply to the next person who wants to Sneak.

Kim
Oh, fantastic. I think I’m going to take the harm, and put the crit onto the objective of looting this place.

T.
You got it. Two successes onto raiding the ammunition dump as you throw open this door and find row after row after row of gun. You’ve got dealers’ choice, as far as firearms and fire power. You do, however, have to roll on the injury table.

Iryna (Kim)
Oh, no. My hair, it is ruined.

Omar
[Gasps]

T.
No! Do you wanna give a dramatic “the camera pans up above you,” crane shot, zooming out as the rain starts to fall inside this ammunition depot?

Iryna (Kim)
It’s just no longer falling in a really chic way.

Beverlee
[Laughs] It almost looks the same!

Iryna (Kim)
It is flat!

T.
It’s just lost its luster.

Kim
Yeah. [Laughs] Like a single split end.

T.
We pull out the crane shot. It looks the same. And then we hyper-zoom in and we see one of your follicles at the very end… boink!

Iryna (Kim)
Ah!

[Everyone laughs]

T.
It’s just not… perfect.

Kim
It’s not bouncing and behaving.

T.
Flint.

Cameron
Flint is on the ground, on his back, panicking, clutching at Chuck, saying…

Flint (Cameron)
A sound, Chuck! A threat, Chuck!

Cameron
While my gorillas are going to see me falter, and file in to Terrify and flank the soldiers.

T.
Fantastic. [Chuckles] Not a lot scarier than rifle-wielding gorillas, charging out of the darkness.

Cameron
One success, one crit.

Omar
Ooh…

T.
One success.

Cameron
I will negate the damage, and then both crits towards, um.. I would say objective, for this.

T.
The Nazi infantry squad, those of them who still have urine in their systems no longer do. As these gorillas charge out of the darkness, and they abandon the cause. Taking off, clearing your way forward, as the tank continues to slowly roll, unpiloted, forward.

Nicole.

Beverlee
Nicole grabs onto the outside of the tank and swings her legs over. And as these apes start to take center stage, sneak behind them to what looks to be, like, Nazis are eating – or were—as they start to load and grab all their stuff. And I wanna sneak and open the door real quick, and just throw a frag grenade in there.

T.
[Laughs] Incredible. Go ahead and roll Sneak. Add your frag grenade, add the bonus for enclosed spaces, and add another 2 from Iryna’s sneak.

Beverlee
Three successes and a crit.

T.
One success.

Beverlee
I’m gonna use one of those successes to defend.

T.
Great. Forget I mentioned it.

Beverlee
I have two successes and a crit, and I have some Specials… I’m gonna use Sapper, to reduce an objective or threat’s Challenge level by 1, of the raiding the armory of it all.

T.
Okay.

Beverlee
And then I’m gonna go ahead and get my lunch on, and drink two more Bloods.

T.
Incredible. You notice that it’s time for a midnight snack, and make short work. Popping like pudding packs, all these Nazi soldiers. They’re nicely tenderized by the frag grenade, and the officers who were off duty, in their effort to escape more quickly, hit a button and the gates on the far side open.

Chuck.

Chuck
The gates just opened. Is there anyone running through the gates at all, or…?

T.
Yes. Yes, there are Nazis aplenty.

Omar
Okay. Ala Seven Samurai, with them cresting the hill, Chuck is just gonna, like, stand before Flint and just one-armed, pull out Betsy, while Maria stays holstered. And just aim at sort of the bottleneck of Nazis running towards us.

T.
Roll Shoot.

[Rolls dice] I got two successes.

Omar
Oh, come on… I got one success. But I did get a Blood. I will take a shot off, and then I’ll take a shot.

T.
Everybody’s doing it.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Go ahead and roll on the injury table.

Omar
Oh my god… Shot full of holes.

Kim
[Gasps]

Omar
I spend 1 Blood at the start of every single one of my turns.

Kim
Oh… my goodness.

Beverlee
Oh, no.

T.
You better start rolling some 1s!

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Go ahead and describe what it looks like as you pull out this one pistol with your one arm, only to be riddled full of holes.

Omar
I pull out my pistol. I pull out Betsy. And I fire at the Nazis as they open fire. And since we’re speaking cinematically, you would see the silhouette of all the bullets going through. And you cut back to Chuck. And believe it or not, Chuck looks up and spits out some blood. And all of the major shots actually took out his hat.

Cameron
[Gasps]

Kim
No!

T.
[Gasps]

Omar
Because with my cowboy hat, I can mark to avoid an injury or being downed.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

Omar
The hat is destroyed. As I look at the tattered hat on the ground, and I go…

Chuck (Omar)
Well, now you’ve really pissed me off.

Beverlee
[Squeals]

Omar
And I cock my gun for my next round.

T.
Kim, can I get some sad Western music in here for the hat?

Kim
Yeah, absolutely. I know exactly what it’ll be.

[Sad Western music]

[The music abruptly cuts out]

Beverlee
[Singing] Life is a highway!!!

[Everyone laughs]

Kim
No, we can’t do that one. I don’t have the budget for licensed music.

Beverlee
I’ll sing it! It’s not licensed if it’s me!

Omar
[Laughs] Anything from the Cars soundtrack, says Beverlee.

Kim
Yeah.

Beverlee
Ka-chow. Cocks her gun.

T.
Pour one out for the hat.

Iryna.

Kim
So I’m in this armory. First thing I’m gonna do is light a cigarette. I’m in this, like, totally darkened warehouse. And we just see the pinprick of light from my cigarette as I take a drag and restore a little bit of Blood. Because I’ve had a very rough day so far.

T.
Mmhmm.

Kim
And then there’s all these crates everywhere. And I don’t want to wreck my manicure by opening any of them. So I’m gonna take my cigarette and start stubbing it out on some of the crates and drawing some runes, and I’m going to activate some explosive runes to open up these crates.

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Phenomenal. I was gonna say, this is giving when Wile E. Coyote goes into a dark room and then lights a match, and he’s surrounded by dynamite.

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
But you’re leaning into that real hard, and I love it.

So is this Search, with explosive runes?

Kim
Probably.

T.
Great. I’ll allow it. There are some Nazis stationed here, though. And they are shooting at you. When the light of your cigarette goes up, they shout…

Nazi (T.)
There she is!

Iryna (Kim)
Yes. Come closer to my explosions.

T.
That is three successes.

Kim
Two crits.

T.
Wild.

Kim
So I’m gonna use one crit to soak two of your damage die.

T.
Okay.

Kim
And then I’m gonna use another crit to take two more blood. This guard comes close to one of the crates that I’ve rigged to explode. And then we just see his head sailing across this armory. And then I just palm it like a NBA player, and then just sink my teeth into his skull.

T.
Phenom. Flint.

Cameron
Flint, in his panic, looking up at Chuck, watches the hat get shot off. And the realization of what war does to beautiful things in this world turns my animal fear into an animal rage. And I would like to, from the ground, grapplehook into a Nazi soldier, and pull myself into the mob of them.

T.
I love that. That sounds like Brawl to me.

Cameron
[Rolls dice] One crit, one hit.

T.
I got one success.

Cameron
I will knock out the success, and then I will put the crit towards drinking blood as I, in the manner of Scooby-Doo eating a long sandwich, just…

[Everyone laughs]

Cameron
Four bite this guy into my mouth.

T.
The whole dude.

Cameron
Yeah.

T.
Just unhinge your jaw like a python. I love it.

Cameron
[Chuckles] It’s malleable!

T.
Gross. Nicole.

Beverlee
To use Blood to heal myself, is it out of turn? Like it just happens?

T.
Yeah, exactly.

Beverlee
2 Blood to heal a thing, right?

Kim
3 Blood lets you heal.

Beverlee
I spend 3. Nicole’s face raises, smeared with blood at this point, dripping down her front teeth. And she cracks her neck as her arm starts to grow. Her jacket’s ripped off now, so the gun show’s out on one side.

Omar
Yes!

Kim
[Quietly] Oh, god…

Beverlee
And she bursts out of the building, sees this large group of Nazis in front of her, runs sort of to the left of where Flint is, and goes…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Hey guys, what are we all doing here?

Beverlee
And holds up her hands. One hand with the grenade in it, the other hand with the pin. And goes…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Mind if I join?

Beverlee
Pops it off. I would like to Terrify.

T.
Okay.

Beverlee
[Chuckles]

T.
I’ll allow it.

Beverlee
One success.

T.
Two successes.

Beverlee
Damn. Well, it was nice while it lasted. I’ll defend.

T.
Okay. You still roll once on the injury table.

Beverlee
Well, now I’m bleeding out. [Chuckles]

Kim
No!

Beverlee
I start to run from this grenade, as it goes off. But I’m grabbed by my brand new arm. I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
God. I always forget.

Beverlee
I try to wrench free but as I do, it goes off. And I start bleeding from my side, as I fall on the ground, hitting a sharp rock.

T.
Ooh. Shrapnel into sharp rock. You’re full of holes. You’re just… You’re like Swiss cheese.

Chuck.

Omar
As I’m watching all this happens, and I look at just a piece of cloth from my hat in my hand, I go…

Chuck (Omar)
It’s time to start thinking smarter, not thinking harder, Chuck.

Omar
And I am going to reach into my coat and pull out a little cannister of tar. Which oftentimes people refer to chewing tobacco as tar. This is not chewing tobacco. This is straight up tar.

Kim
Yes. [Laughs]

Omar
And I take two fingers of it, and I put it into my gum and I chew it. And I turn to the watchtower that’s to my left. My railroad worker arm does a quick calculation as I kick one of the sides with my left foot, which was a bootleg runner. And I go…

Chuck (Omar)
Yeah, that’ll do.

Omar
And I’d like to use Acid Spit to melt one of the legs of the watchtower, for it to then topple down onto the Nazis flooding out of the gate.

T.
Phenomenal. Is that… Shoot?

Omar
I just did Shoot. Can it be a Fix.

T.
Yeah. You’re affecting the mechanical thing of it.

Omar
I got two successes and one blood.

T.
I got two successes.

Omar
Geez, okay. I’ll put those successes towards knocking out the Nazi threat.

T.
Amazing. I will let you know this, because I’m a kind and benevolent GM and I hate Nazis. The infantry squad only has one health left. So you can split the vote, if you want.

Omar
Oh, great! Okay. In that case, I’ll take one of the hits as the tower is going down. Like I’ll dodge one of the shots, and then I’ll take the other.

T.
The acid spit [acid sounds] corrodes the support joist of this hastily constructed tower. It quickly… [falling sound] buckles and – boom! As a Nazi squad runs forward, all aim and take fire at you, they all look up and just splat!

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Did you roll on the injury table?

Omar
I did. I took a slug to my bootlegger leg.

Kim
[Gasps]

I am now limping. As I get a little flash. Not flashback, but a little flash memory…

[Flashback harp music]

[Jazz music]

Omar
Of the bootlegger – not a great person to begin with – but was just like…

Cowardly Bootlegger (Omar)
You know if they catch us, they’re gonna arrest us.

Omar
And the bootlegger’s like…

Chuck’s Bootlegger Leg (Omar)
I don’t give a shit.

[Flashback harp music]

[A warehouse depot]

Omar
And then flash back, and I’m like…

Chuck (Omar)
You know what, honestly? He probably would have… This is how he would have wanted to go!

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
You rub your sore knee of this bootlegger. Maybe pouring some moonshine to disinfect the wound. Wondering, do you even need to do that? When there’s a sound, a rumbling sound… And through the fallen watchtower [crashing] a Nazi tank comes in a direct course toward yours, which is slowly still careening forward, unpiloted. A tank has joined the fray.

Oh, gang. The reinforcements just keep pouring in. An air raid siren is blaring off in the distance. This is the last stand of these Nazis as they come forward. More piling out of the woodwork. All of the ones stationed in the individual depots kick open their doors and support this tank as it rolls toward you all.

Iryna.

Kim
Alright. I’m without the rest of my party in this armory. There’s Nazis everywhere. I spend 2 Blood, and then we see Iryna start chanting…

[Ominous, eldritch ambience]

Kim
…And pulling the shadows off of the wall as they start coating my body. And Iryna transforms into this, like, beast made completely out of smoke and shadow.

I’m going to be invoking Mantle of the Fell Beast.

Omar
[Laughs] What??

T.
Ah!

Kim
It was the advancement I just picked up from the Rust Witch.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
Sick!

Kim
Spend 2 Blood. Brawl and Terrify become 4, all other stats are set to 1, and you cannot use items. Lasts until the objective is complete.

T.
The roof of this warehouse bursts open as this demonic kaiju…

Kim
Yeah.

T.
…Ascends into the night sky.

Kim
I just wanna smash these guys.

T.
Great. Go ahead and roll Brawl.

Kim
Okay, great.

Beverlee
Oh, my god.

T.
[Rolls dice] Three successes.

Kim
Four successes.

T.
What do you wanna do with them?

Kim
I want to soak all of that damage, and then put another one towards… I’m still trying to get my boo Nicole a prize in here. So I’m just smashing. I’m smashing Nazis, I’m smashing crates.

T.
You’re putting it all toward raiding the ammunition dump?

Kim
Absolutely, yes.

[A warehouse depot]

T.
As you erupt out of this cache of weapons, the crates already exploded by your runes go showering through the air, like an artillery pinata. And Nicole, at your feet – at all of your feet – strew weapons. The cutting edge firepower of the Third Reich. All of you: any uses of firearms, grenades, or similar weapons are completely restored.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

T.
As the rubble clears and this demon Iryna has summoned? Inhabited? Become? Who’s to say. Always ways? Begins swiping through the terrified Nazis, who all turn their fire onto her. But conventional weapons seem to have no effect on this Eldritch Beast.

You notice one feature unblemished by any of the explosions, the shadow magic, the bullets. Sitting in the charred remains of this warehouse is a bulletproof Volkswagen, which anybody can add to their inventory. It has machine guns mounted to its front.

Omar
Oh my god.

T.
And it’s still got that new car smell.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Omar
Wow.

Cameron
Wow.

Omar
Power to the People car.

T.
Flint.

Cameron
If I have the Blood, can I use two advances in one turn?

T.
I don’t see why not.

Cameron
Wonderful. Then I would like to roll Sneak as I enter my ooze form to slip through the cracks in like the tank door to get inside with the driver of the Nazi tank.

T.
You just Alex Mack your way inside?

Cameron
Yes. [Laughs]

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
Go ahead and roll Sneak.

Cameron
Ooh. My classic one hit, one crit.

T.
I only got one success.

Cameron
Then I’m going to reduce that with the one. And then with the crit, using my Hellish Screech once I am right inside, in the guy’s ear, to lower the threat by another 1.

T.
Inside this tank, completely bypassing its armor and defenses, you scream, and the metal reverberates as blood begins to trickle out of the pilot’s ears.

Nicole.

Beverlee
I look down at my feet, and I look up and see the big lady coming out of that building. And I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
I feel like this is for me.

Beverlee
And I’m gonna pick up this brand new submachine gun, throw my old one away. I knock it on a rock to clink off the swastika that’s been glued onto this.

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
And I’m gonna go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
[Satisfied sigh]

Nicole
Hold my two guns up with my biceps flexing – one bare arm. And I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
It’s good to be back.

Beverlee
And I’m gonna take my cut down Lee-Enfield rifle and this machine gun and just start spraying down Nazis in front of us, as I move forward.

T.
Roll Shoot.

Beverlee
[Rolls dice] Balls. I got one success.

T.
I got three.

Beverlee
That sucks. Stop doing that.

Kim
You can always do a flashback, if you wanna add two more dice and then reroll everything.

Beverlee
Oh, yeah. I reroll everything, or just the two added?

T.
No, you reroll everything.

Beverlee
Okay. I wanna do a flashback.

T.
The tank cannon shoots a heavy shell directly toward you. And as you stare at it, your own guns blazing…

Where was Nicole when Commander Slate first approached her?

[Wind howls. An industrial train station]

Beverlee
I think me and my girlfriend were in Poland when she approached us. We were helping clear out some pathways for people to escape Poland. We are covered in blood of Nazis as we are coming out the other side, where we’re gonna meet people that are gonna get in there to escape. And we are coming out of this abandoned underground, we’re coming out into the evening light. And we go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Alright, guys. Get in here. You’re good to go.

Beverlee
And as some civilians run down into the darkness below us…

T.
The welcoming darkness of the tunnel ushing in these people who were in line for execution. You’ve saved them, with moments to spare. And as they head into this tunnel to get to the borders outside of Poland and hopefully to safety, at least for the time being, you hear the… [squeak, squeak, squeak] single car with the little lever in the middle, coming along the track. And a woman in military dress and high-heeled combat boots pushes to the stop.

Commander Slate (T.)
Well, I would have done wonders for an iron horse. But you take what you can get, and when you can get it. Hello, ladies.

Beverlee
I put my girlfriend behind me, even though she’s 6’4” with blonde hair, and a long braid down her back. Gun show out, fully cut off, cropped topped tank covered in blood – red now.

Nicole (Beverlee)
And who are you?

Commander Slate (T.)
My name is Slate. I represent a peculiar branch for the British Armed Forces, with an eye for…

T.
She looks at the setting sun.

Commander Slate (T.)
…particular talents. We’ve been keeping an eye on you, and we’re very impressed with the humanitarian efforts you’ve managed to accomplish so far. But the two of you are extremely limited. We’d like to welcome you to be part of a larger enterprise.

Nicole (Beverlee)
And why should we trust someone like you?

Commander Slate (T.)
You shouldn’t.

Beverlee
Mira puts a hand on my shoulder, and I like relax a little.

Omar
[Chuckles]

Beverlee
And roll my eyes.

Commander Slate (T.)
It’s lack of trust that has gotten you this far. But you do trust one another. And I’m only asking you to go with me so far as to accomplish an end. The war is getting worse. No matter what your efforts are here, there are spots all over this poor country that you cannot hope to liberate. If you want to stop the death count, it’s going to take more than one hole.

Beverlee
I look back at Mira, and we’re pretty messed up. I’ve got bullet holes, bleeding. Her arm is super scraped up. And I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Alright. Tell me more.

Commander Slate (T.)
We know a lot about you. Both of you. And your unique abilities. Individually, you’re able to do quite a bit. Together, you’re able to do a bit more. But as part of a squad, I quake to see what the world would look like after dark.

T.
She hands you a telegram.

Commander Slate (T.)
Head to these coordinates. We’ve got six months before this operation kicks off.

T.
She looks sadly at Mira.

Commander Slate (T.)
Watch each other’s backs. You’ll make shorter work getting back than I did.

T.
And she gestures to the pushy-pully cart.

Commander Slate (T.)
Tally-ho!

T.
And she jumps into the hole and follows the civilians out of Poland.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Feels like she should be able to afford a better car than that.

Mira (T.)
Yeah, you would think. If she’s promising us something, think she’d want to make a flashy show of it.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Well, at least she’s rich in arms.

Beverlee
And she cocks her shotgun.

Mira (T.)
She’s not the only one.

T.
And she picks you up.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Kim
[Squeals]

T.
Puts you on her back so that your shoulders are dangling on either side of her neck. And like with both of her hands… [zooming noise] careens down the trail tracks.

Beverlee
Like on all fours? Like Edward Cullen-style? [Laughs]

T.
…Sure. I don’t know those movies.

Kim
Hop on, spider monkey.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
You head off into the night. But even as you do, the light of a train on the tracks approaching faster in the distance…

[A warehouse depot]

T.
And we zoom back toward you. Go ahead and reroll, plus two. I am not rerolling, I just keep three successes.

Beverlee
Three crits and a success.

Kim
Let’s fucking go.

T.
[Laughs]

Omar
Oh my god…

T.
[Singing] That’s the power of love!

Beverlee
[Makes guitar noises]

Omar
[Laughs]

Beverlee
I’m gonna spend a crit and a success to defend.

T.
Great.

Beverlee
And that’s two crits left… Can I spend all of those on the threat?

T.
Yeah, if you want. There’s the infantry squad, and the tank.

Beverlee
Let’s spend four on the tank, then.

T.
Grand. This tank launches a missile at you, and you flash back to meeting Commander Slate when Mira was still alive – before Nazis killed her. And with your gun still in your hand, you spin and roundhouse kick the shell back. It goes into the cannon from which it launched, and explodes in the end.

Beverlee
I’m all about that backwards bullet. [Laughs]

Omar
[Laughs]

T.
Chuck.

Omar
Is the tank still functioning, after Nicole’s sick ass kick?

T.
The cannon is blown off, but you can see it is still… It’s a linebacker.

Omar
Chuck looks at the tank and looks at the tower and goes…

Chuck (Omar)
Chuck, what are you doing, man? You can’t take on a tank.

Omar
And I spit on the ground and I watch it sizzle. And I go…

Chuck (Omar)
Chuck, what the hell are you talking about, man? [Laughs]

T.
[Laughs]

Chuck (Omar)
You got a mouthful of acid spit, son!

Omar
And I’m gonna run over to the tank and I am going to just spit onto it.

T.
Fantastic. Roll Brawl.

Omar
Beautiful! Here we go.

[Rolls dice] That is one success, one crit, and 1 Blood for me. Thank you very much.

T.
One success.

Omar
Okay, great. So that one success and one success can take each other out. And then Chuck will just crit right onto the tank.

T.
You get some spit on this shell of this tank, and the acid melts away. But can see the armor of this heavy artillery is thick. It is dissolving on it, but it doesn’t appear to do any immediate damage.

Omar
Okay.

T.
Iryna.

[Unsettling eldritch ambience]

Kim
For a moment we no longer see the Fell Beast, as Iryna slips into a shadow and vanishes out of sight. And then emerges in the middle of this field, growing tall, blocking out the moon as she rises, sort of Chernobog from Fantasia-esque, out of the darkness.

Omar
Yes!

T.
Can you get the rights to In the Hall of the Mountain King? [Chuckles]

Kim
Night on Bald Mountain, good. Close.

T.
Thank you.

Kim
And this immense, demonic form opens its maw and screams. And all of the magic that we’ve seen from Iryna thus far has been very, like, pretty. Very magical girl. Very, like, powered by the moon. This is dark and eldritch. And all of these Nazis all start like leaking black fluid out of their eyes and ears and mouths. Uh, and… [Laughs]

Beverlee
Good.

Kim
It’s a horrifying sight to behold.

T.
Hell yeah, it is. Go ahead and roll Terrify.

Kim
Alright.

[Rolls dice] Three successes.

T.
Six successes.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

Cameron
[Chokes]

Kim
…Oh my god.

Beverlee
[Laughs]

Kim
I didn’t know you could do that.

T.
I didn’t know I could do that either, but it turns out I can.

Kim
I suppose I have to use my three successes to soak up at least three damage from that.

Beverlee
[Quietly] Oh, god…

T.
Roll on the injury table three times.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

Omar
[Sighs]

Kim
There’s some sort of rule. I gotta look at it…

Here we go. Yeah. If the GM has three or more attack dice remaining when you have no dice remaining, you are taken down. Pinned under rubble, shot to bits, briefly paralyzed, rendered insensible, and so on. Roll an injury category as above, then mark off all available boxes in that category. Until another vampire comes to your aid, you are out of the fight. Rescuing you becomes a new objective.

Omar
Whoa!

T.
Phenomenal.

Yeah. As this demonic creatures launches into the air – thank you for knowing the rules, Kim.

Kim
Well, now I kind of regret knowing the rules.

Cameron
[Laughs]

T.
All attention is turned toward you. And not just from the ground. Up in the air, German dogfighters redirect course and unleash. You’re peppered with machine gun fire. The tank commander pulls out his own anti-tank missile. Headbutts Flint in the face with it to get it up, and shoots it out at you. As occult warlocks on the ground try and do a containment spell. You [woosh] in mid air, revert back to your hominid form and begin falling to the ground through the sky.

You’re gonna roll on the injury table, take both injuries in that category… [Rolls dice] And we have a new Objective 2: Rescue Iryna.

[A warehouse depot]

Kim
I fall through the sky and them am impaled on a piece of rebar or an iron post. I have an Abdominal Puncture.

T.
I think the struts of the watchtower that just snapped and broke are still there.

Kim
Yeah.

T.
And you’ve [splat] yeah, it’s coming through just beneath your sternum, and you lay there impaled.

Flint.

Y’all have not made much ground on this after that initial push. You’ve kind of just been in the center of this armory depot, as more and more enemy combatants flood the area.

Cameron
I would like to use Brawl to try and wrestle the controls of the tank from the driver, with my steel claws.

T.
I’ll allow it.

Cameron
That is two crits.

T.
I got two successes.

Cameron
Okay. So that’s one crit to knock those successes out. And then the other to tear the driver in half, kind of shove his torso over so I can scoop in like a bag of chips as I’m driving…

Kim
[Laughs]

Omar
[Laughs]

Cameron
And turn the wheel around to start to drive towards Iryna.

T.
Alright. So you’re applying the two successes toward Iryna, or toward…

Cameron
Toward Iryna. Yeah. Just trying to squish all of the Nazis in the way, to clear a path to her.

T.
Absolutely. You easily, like, redivert this tank and careen into the side. It knocks the remaining strut to the ground. And as she hits, she rolls off and is just there, a gaping hole in her chest.

Iryna, you pick yourself back up. And we look through you and see Flint pop his head out of the tank to check and make sure you’re okay.

Iryna (Kim)
Ugh, this bra was so expensive.

T.
Nicole.

Beverlee
I see Iryna fall, and I see the, like, burst of blood as this thing impales her. And I throw this smoke grenade and I start running. And I see her get up, and I go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
Well now you guys are just pissing me off.

Beverlee
And as I turn around, smoke sort of billowing around me, I grab his new Panzerfaust and I click it into place. And I turn around and go…

Nicole (Beverlee)
You take my big lady, I’ll take yours.

Beverlee
And I shoot this new tank that has just happened.

T.
Go ahead and roll Terrify.

Beverlee
Two and a crit.

T.
I got three.

Beverlee
A crit and one. And let’s move one towards our goal of getting across.

T.
Fantastic. We have seen you use this anti-tank missile before to great success, but this time you’re not actually going out guns blazing. There’s a more important skill at hand. You got to piggyback somebody else, here. So you create this huge explosion. The Nazi infantry go run and take cover when they see you bring this thing out. But now the way is clear.

Chuck.

Omar
I pull out Betsy and aim it at the tank pilot’s temple, just as Flint kind of cracks him in half, if I understand correctly… [Laughs]

[Everyone laughs]

Omar
And uses him like a Lay’s potato chip bag. And I’m like…

Chuck (Omar)
Well, that’s one taken care of.

Omar
I think what I’ll do then, is… Ah, Chuck’s a gentleman. I’m gonna hop off the tank and run over as well to assist with this, as I pull off my coat to kind of like wrap around… At the very least of like, if you felt somewhat exposed by having a whole…

Kim
[Laughs]

Omar
[Laughing] Through your torso!

Beverlee
Through your body.

Omar
Chuck doesn’t know exactly how to approach situations. Like…

Chuck (Omar)
In case you were cold.

Omar
[Laughs]

Kim
[Laughs]

T.
… What are you doing?

Omar
Can I contribute to, like, a sneaking?

T.
Oh, sure. Sure, sure. Throwing your jacket around Iryna, but also throwing shadows back. Now that she’s not using them, and all of the shadows have returned to the natural objects they are cast. You’re able to wrap you guys in a shroud, a little bit. Go ahead and roll Sneak.

Omar
Okay, it ain’t a big stat. I did get a Blood, but there are no successes.

T.
I got two successes.

Omar
I’ll take the hits.

Kim
Oh my – Chuck!

Beverlee
Chuck!

Omar
Okay. I got, let’s see here… 2 and 6. I have Mauled, and Shot Full of Holes.

Kim
Oh…

T.
Oh!

Cameron
Oh…

Omar
So I will put my body between eh shot and you both, as I’m shot full of holes. I will say, though, after we interacted with the Rust Witch, I did get Corrosive Fluids. When you mark an injury, reduce the rating of a threat you’re engaged with my two.

Beverlee
[Gasps]

Kim
Incredible.

T.
Phenomenal. Do you want to apply that to the tank, or the infantry squad?

Omar
Um, I kind of want to apply it to the tank.

T.
I read that as you take it down its, like, fucking max health.

Omar
Yeah.

T.
So you get shot full of holes. And as you do, the tar that you’re chewing and your saliva has mixed together to form this smoking acid. And with kind of a strange flex, rivulets of it gush forward toward this tank, and you see its armor melting and tearing away, smoking off into the night.

Iryna.

Nicole (Beverlee)
Thought I lost you.

Iryna (Kim)
Darling, I am very hard to kill. Now…

Kim
I reach into my garter and pull out my last cigarette.

Iryna (Kim)
Do you have a light?

Beverlee
I grab a bloody lighter off the ground and I flick it and hold it close to her.

Kim
I take a drag.

Iryna (Kim)
Thank you, angel. I really needed that.

Kim
And we see the wounds on Iryna’s chest heal, as I’m spending 3 Blood to get rid of that injury marking.

T.
Stitches itself back together.

Iryna (Kim)
Now I must leave you.

T.
[Laughs]

Nicole (Beverlee)
God, why does that make me want you more?

Kim
[Laughs]

Nicole (Beverlee)
Oh, it’s like you know me so well already!

Omar
[Laughs]

Kim
And I leap to the top of the guard tower and pull out my hunting rifle. We need to make our way across the field, but I gotta pick off some of these reinforcements.

T.
Sure, yeah.

Beverlee
I blush as I see under her dress.

Kim
Absolutely.

[Rolls dice] Two successes, two crits.

T.
Two successes.

Kim
Okay. One crit is getting rid of your attack die. As I leap to the top of this guard tower, there is a Nazi cowering for his life up here.

Iryna (Kim)
[Pouts] This is my hiding place! Get out.

Kim
And I’m going to stomp on his throat with my high heel. We see blood just squirt out, and I’m gonna drink his blood. So I’m going to spend one crit to get 2 more Blood. And then I’m going to spend my remaining two successes on advancing the objective, as I pull out my rifle and just start picking off Nazis and clearing a way for my friends.

T.
You leap, soaring through the air. This geyser of blood squirts into your mouth and you drink it deep as you take aim with your scope and realize it’s not amount eliminating all of the enemies. You got what you came for. You’re locked and loaded. And you take out the searchlight, plunging the area into darkness, allowing you all to move forward.

Kim
Incredible.

[A Parisian street. Polka music blaring through speakers]

T.
Built to celebrate the 1889 Paris World Fair, the Eiffel Tower remains one of the most enduring symbols of Paris. And as a prick commanding everyone’s attention, of France in general.

Upon the Nazi conquest of the city, the structure was retrofitted with the latest in German technology. Elevators rocket up to the surface, dazzling electric lights blaze out into the night ear, loudspeakers blast oom-pah-pah polka, and a rudimentary communications areal has been supplemented by high bandwith broadcast technology.

Also, there’s a zeppelin at the top, containing Adolf Hitler.

Your objective: Ascend the Eiffel Tower.

[Coffin Drop theme]

Kim
Coffin Drop is a Kitten Marlowe production, edited and produced by Kim Dalton. This episode featured a theme song by Jason Myers, with additional vocals by Amelia Myers. You can find out more about us by visiting KittenMarlowe.com, signing up for our newsletter, or following us on socials. For Discord access, exclusive cast talkbacks, ttrpg materials, and more visit Patreon.com/KittenMarlowe and join Väinö Järvelä and all of our incredible Kitten Marlowe patrons in supporting artist-driven storytelling. Thanks for listening.